Amazon Darkness, An Awakening XIV

by Frau Hunter Ash

Disclaimers:  

Ownership:  Repeat after me: I don’t own Xena, Gabrielle, etc.  I’m borrowing them for entertainment purposes, please don’t bother to sue me, you wouldn’t even get court costs.

Violence:  Less than a typical TV episode.

Subtext/Alt Fiction/Sex:  The story assumes a loving and sexual relationship between people of the same gender and of the opposite sex.  If this offends you or is illegal for you then please leave.  Come back when you are older, have an open mind, moved, or changed your laws.

Feedback:  Always welcome and responded to!          

 

Storyline:  Xena, Gabrielle, Solan and Sasha are with the Northern Amazons for the winter when things get complicated.

A Visit Home, An Awakening: a visit home forces Xena and Gabrielle to confront their feelings for each other and Gabrielle’s father.
 Discovery: Gabrielle discovers some truths about her past and her father.
 Amazon Bonding: Xena and Gabrielle get married but it gets complicated.
 Healing: While Gabrielle is recovering from an attempted assassination, Xena falls under Ares’ influence again.
Trial of a Roman: the Amazons put one of Gabrielle’s attempted assassins on trial as Xena and Gabrielle continue to heal and discover some new twists in their relationship.
Gladiator, Bard, Mother, Warrior: nah, read the next two before Ides of March but I’m not giving anything up here. <grin>
Reunited
Ides of March
Children Of Gods
Even With Ares
Darkness Awakening
Amazons Of The North  

            The Amazon Shaman moved around the circle of dancers and drummers slowly, chanting and moving to the beat of the drums.  Behind her was the Shaman apprentice, Ulrike, carrying the bowls of sacred ingredients.

                Xena leaned over and whispered to her son, Solan, describing their surroundings and the actions to the blind teenager.

                "Yakut is in traditional Shaman clothes," she whispered as they sat outside the circle. "Leather headdress with beads, feathers, fur and shortened antlers.  Her clothing is buckskin, fringed with fur and beads.  Her face is streaked with paint, one side is the design of the sacred spiral of life and their Earth Goddess, and the other side is stripes, indicating the claws and their connection to nature."

                Solan nodded, quietly swaying with the drumbeat.

                "She's carrying a staff with intricate carvings, fur covering, beads, feathers and topped with a large crystal," Xena continued.  "Behind her is her apprentice Ulrika carrying wooden bowls of something."

                Xena found herself swaying to the intoxicating beat as well. 

 

                Yakut moved to the outside of the northern part the circle of dancing and sitting Amazons and raised her arms to the sky in invocation. 

 

                "Yakut is invoking the spirits of the Air to join the ritual and protect those here," Xena whispered.

                Ulrike moved forward with a bowl of burning incense and waved the smoke about and followed Yakut to the East, then the South, the West and finally back to the North.  "Her apprentice offered smoke from incense to the Air Spirits." Xena whispered.

                Yakut raised her arms again in invocation and Ulrike poured fresh spring water on the ground.  "Now they're invoking the Water Spirits and offering fresh water."  Once more the circle was completed.

                The Shaman again invoked in a loud and firm voice and Ulrike followed with an offering of honey mead to the earth.  "Invoking the Earth spirits and offering mead." Xena explained as the Shaman and apprentice completed another circle.

                The final invocation and offering included a ritualistic dance with two torches woven in a complicated pattern and the circle was formed once again.  "To the Fire Spirits, with torches."

                Yakut moved to the altar to the north of the fire pit and the drumming grew calmer and the chanting grew silent.  Otere, the new Amazon Queen, moved forward from the crowd to stand next to the shaman and turned to face her Amazons.

                "My Sisters," she began, "Tonight we welcome new members into our tribe and celebrate!"

                The Amazons cheered loudly and Xena felt herself grinning and saw Solan was doing likewise.

                Yakut raised her arms and head to the sky.

                "Taevataat, god of wisdom and life, be with us!

                Ukko, God of Thunder; Akko, goddess of life, be with us!

                Raunni, goddess of the woods, Paiva of the Sun, Kuu of the Moon, be with us!

                The Great Bear Otava, Ilma of the air, Luonnota the sacred mother of Vainamoinen, be with us!

                The daughter of the Moon, Kuuta; Daughter of the Sun, Paivatar, be with us!

                Aske, god of the moon, Pellervoinen of the fields and plants, be with us now!

                Metsola of the forests, Mehilainen, bee of messages; be with us!

                Forest family: Tapio the father, Mielikki the mother, Nyrrikki the son, Tuulikki the daughter, be with us!

                The water family: Ahti the god, Vellamo his wife, Vetehinen and Tursas the daughters, and the Veden Haltia, the water spirits.  Turn your evil away from us and bless us with your good!

                Metsola, protect us from Lempo, Paha and Hiisi!

                Earth Mother, protect us, bless us and join us!"

                Solan leaned closer to his mom.  "They invoke male deities too?" he questioned.

                "Yes, they see their deities as closer to each other and to the land and the people than the Greeks.  You'll notice they don't have a god of Justice or Victory but more along the lines of many nature deities and they don't have as much reluctance in dealing with male spirits." Xena whispered.

                "Maybe their male gods don't go around acting like male jerks," Solan suggested with a grin and bit his lip to keep from laughing as Xena lightly shoved him playfully.

                The Amazons took up the chant to the deities of the Northerners and the drumbeat increased in speed and loudness.  The dancers took up a frenzied dance as Yakut watched and judged the raising of the energy.  Xena and Solan could both feel the energy flowing from the circle, their own breath and pulse increasing.

                At a signal from Yakut the dancers dropped to their hands and knees, the drummers and chanters stopped cold.  It almost felt like a physical blow to the warrior and her son.

                After a moment, Otere raised her head and nodded to the shadows outside the circle.

                Xena turned and saw a blindfolded and bound figure being led to the circle by two Amazon warriors with drawn swords.  The Warrior Princess felt her heart skip a beat as she caught sight of the figure. Xena knew it was part of the ritual of the Northern Amazons for the binding of the initiate but it still made the warrior nervous to see her mate like that. 

 

Gabrielle also looked stunning.  The Amazon Queen was dressed in white leathers, designed much like her wedding tunic and the leathers were of soft deerskin and hugged the bard’s body nicely and was sleeveless, revealing the warrior bard's well-developed arms.  Instead of Gabrielle's usual boots with sais sheathed alongside, tonight she was wearing white deerskin boots without the sais.  Xena also knew that the bard wasn't wearing her knife either.

                The only adornment on her mate was the twisted metal of gold and silver at her wrist, her bracelet symbolizing her bonding to the warrior.  Xena had a matching one on her wrist, usually tucked under her bracer.

                Xena frowned slightly when two other warriors approached her and Solan.  She stood up, her face questioning.

            "We’re the escorts for you and the boy when it’s over," one explained softly and the warrior nodded and sat back down on the log.

                She leaned over to Solan and described how Gabrielle looked and about the two Amazons who had joined them.

                "Still say you should be invited too!" Solan hissed quietly.

                "No, I'll probably never be invited to join the tribe and you know it," Xena explained.  "They've forgiven me for the murders all those years ago but it doesn't erase what I did."

                "You and Gabrielle both fought Alti to fix that," Solan insisted.

                "Yes, that's why they've forgiven me my crime and are honoring Gabrielle tonight. It's alright, Solan, really," Xena insisted.

                "Still...."

                "No, I understand it and accept it." Xena said firmly.  "I’m very glad that you and Sasha have been formally adopted as Gabrielle’s children and are acknowledged by the tribe."

                The Amazons led Gabrielle to the edge of the circle where Queen Otere faced them.  Xena’s pulse quickened as the Queen raised a sword to the base of Gabrielle’s throat.  Xena could see Gabrielle raise her head slightly, feeling the point of the blade. 

 

                "Gabrielle of Greece, you have been invited to join this tribe.  You are an Amazon Queen and our Sister, will you join with us?" Otere asked loud enough for everyone to hear.

                Xena held her breath.  The debate over the last two weeks had been endless concerning her bard’s status in the village. 

 

                It had only been three weeks since the Greek family had traveled to the colder northern climate to visit the Northern Amazons.  There had been two goals in mind for the family of Xena and Gabrielle, to make amends for what Xena had done to the tribe many years ago and for Sasha to be recognized as Gabrielle’s adopted daughter and accepted into the tribe.  The tribe had readily agreed to the second goal, welcoming Sasha as Gabrielle’s adopted daughter and even accepting Xena as the Amazon Queen’s Consort.

                The difficult part had been the first goal.  Many summer seasons before had seen the army of Xena and Borias in the area and Xena intent on conquering everything in sight, including the Amazons.  The Warlord met someone even more ambitious than she was, Alti.  The evil shaman had shown Xena the power of darkness and used Xena to gain even more by persuading the warrior to slaughter the Amazon Queen and most of the Amazon leaders in a most brutal manner.

                Xena and Gabrielle had gone to the Northern Amazons ready to face Xena’s past and make amends, whatever that meant.  What had shocked the two women was finding out that Alti had captured the souls of the Amazons Xena had killed and held them prisoner in the Land of the Dead, not allowing them to move onto the Isle of the Dead.  The evil magician used their never-ending energy to fuel her dark magics.

                Xena and Gabrielle joined with the Amazons to defeat Alti, hopefully for once and for all.  It had been a difficult fight and difficult choices had been made.  The plan had been for Gabrielle to lead several Amazon warriors in the Spirit Realm against Alti and the tortured Spirit Amazons while Xena and the main Amazon warriors fought their way through Alti’s physical troops.  Xena planned on killing Alti’s body while Gabrielle kept the Shaman’s spirit occupied in the Spirit Realm.

                It had been a good plan until Alti used Gabrielle’s dark bacchae influence to surface, turning the bard into a full bacchae in the Spirit Realm.  To break the spell, the Queen of the Amazons, Arja, had willingly sacrificed herself to Gabrielle’s fangs. 

 

                The distraction had been long enough for Xena to fight her way to Alti’s tent and slay the evil shaman, but only after fierce fighting and taking several serious sword wounds.

                When Xena had regained consciousness she found Gabrielle catatonic from the shock of killing the Northern Amazon Queen.  It had taken Xena over two days to bring the bard out of it. 

 

                Then the debate had begun, the tribe still wanted to invite Gabrielle in as a full member of the tribe and as royalty.  Gabrielle protested she wasn’t worthy after killing their Queen, even if Arja had intentionally sacrificed herself.  Otere, the new Queen, Yakut, and the Elders had all protested that it hadn’t been Gabrielle’s fault, that the bard was as much a victim of Alti as Arja was, but Gabrielle had been stubborn. 

 

                Finally, the Elders had won the argument by pointing out that Gabrielle had to be accepted into the tribe before Sasha could be accepted.  Wanting the status for Sasha, Gabrielle had finally agreed but Xena knew that the bard still didn’t think it was right and was still feeling guilty about the death.

                Now was the moment of decision for the bard and Xena held her breath and could feel the tension all around her.  Every Amazon in the tribe knew how Gabrielle felt about the killing and her acceptance of it.

                "I would join with my Sisters of the North," Gabrielle answered firmly.

                Xena felt her body relax as she began to breath again.  She felt Solan’s hand reach out for hers and squeeze it encouragingly. 

 

                Yakut moved forward and walked behind the bard and cut her bounds. 

 

                "To join us, you must enter this circle that represents the never ending cycle of life, with a pure heart and with love for your tribe.  Let there be no doubt of your commitment to this tribe.  If there is doubt in your heart or soul, if you look there and find that you could not bring yourself to die for your Sisters, then fall forward on this sword or walk away.  You are free to choose."  Otere challenged the young woman.

                "I would gladly give my life for my Sisters of all the tribes." Gabrielle answered, holding her place.

                Otere sheathed her sword and stepped back.  Yakut gently guided Gabrielle into the circle and to the altar, still leaving the bard blindfolded.

                "Who speaks for this woman?" Otere demanded.

                "I do," Yakut stated and stepped forward to stand next to Gabrielle.

                "You are recognized as an honored member of this tribe and as its shaman.  Do you stand for this woman?" Queen Otere challenged.

                "Yes, My Queen, I claim she is worthy to be our sister and challenge any who say otherwise." Yakut answered easily.

                Xena could see Gabrielle shift uneasily on her feet and the warrior could see the torment on the bard’s face.  Xena knew that Gabrielle didn’t feel worthy at all, no matter who stood for her.

                "Is there a challenge?" Otere asked.

                Gabrielle began to reach for her blindfold.

                "I stand for Gabrielle as well and claim her worthy!" a voice suddenly called out and everyone went silent. 

 

                Xena found herself on her feet as she took in the sight of the warrior standing in the center of the circle.  The Amazons that were standing went to their knees, including Otere and Yakut. 

 

Gabrielle’s face was one of confusion; she could sense the awesome silence around her.

"Remove your blindfold, Gabrielle, and face the truth," the voice ordered.

The bard slowly removed the blindfold and blinked in the firelight, trying to get her eyes to focus.  After a moment, Xena saw her mate’s face go pale and Gabrielle went to her knee and bowed her head.

"Queen Arja," she whispered.

"Gabrielle, taking the blame for my death stops tonight. I claim you are worthy to be part of my tribe," the spirit said simply.

"But...." Gabrielle started to protest but the Spirit held up her hand to stop any spoken protests from the bard.

"No, no challenges and no more blame.  You are a worthy Amazon and you are a worthy Queen."

Gabrielle and the other Amazons blinked when they realized that Queen Arja was no longer standing in the circle with them.

Yakut and Otere stood slowly and looked at each other and then at Gabrielle.  The bard blushed under their stares of wonderment. 

 

After a few stunned moments, Otere shook her head and continued.

"You have already faced spiritual testing, as attested to by our Queen and Shaman and the spirit of our Queen Arja.  Are you ready to face the physical test?" Otere questioned the bard.

Xena frowned; Gabrielle hadn’t mentioned anything about a physical test. 

 

"I am," Gabrielle answered firmly.

Two Amazon warriors moved from the main body watching the ritual to stand on either side of the bard.  From her position to the North of the circle, Xena could see into Gabrielle’s eyes very clearly and frowned when she saw concern.

The warrior started to stand, eyes narrowing, when a firm hand came down on her shoulder, restraining her.  Before she could react, another hand came down on her other shoulder and a dagger was being held at her throat.

"Listen, Consort, we know that you can take us, just listen. This is Queen Gabrielle’s choice, alright?" one of the warriors whispered in her ear.

Xena struggled to maintain control and caught Gabrielle’s worried eyes and nodded slightly and watched the bard relax and nod to Otere and Yakut.  Xena could feel Solan shift uneasily on the log.

"Solan, Gabrielle is going to go through a difficult part of the ritual and they want to make sure I stay quiet," Xena whispered, trying to explain.

"It's the pain part, isn’t it?" he whispered back.

Xena gritted her teeth.  "I think so," she whispered back.

"It’ll be over quickly, Consort," one of the Amazons whispered only to be answered by a growl from the Warrior Princess.

"What do you know of it, Solan?" Xena whispered as her son reached out and took her hand in his again.

"I'm not sure about the Amazons, the Centaurs have a blood letting part of the ritual to manhood when a boy is officially recognized as a man or a new member is accepted into the tribe.  We heard the Amazons had similar rituals," he whispered back.

At a signal from Yakut the chanting and drumming began again and many of the Amazons began dancing around the circle.  Otere handed Gabrielle a goblet and Xena watched as her mate drank the entire contents and then leaned back into the music and closed her eyes.  It wasn't long before the bard was swaying with the music with the other Amazons, her face taking on that trance look Xena knew well.

Gabrielle was susceptible to the hypnotic energy of music and altered easily to it.  Xena also wondered what had been in the drink as she watched Gabrielle's body relax for the first time in weeks.

The bard's eyes didn't even open when Otere moved closer and unlaced Gabrielle's tunic and lifted it off over her head, leaving the initiate bare to the waist.

Xena's felt her pulse begin pounding in her head and her heartbeat quicken.  Solan, sensing the change in his mother, squeezed Xena's hand reassuringly.

As Otere moved behind the bard, the two Amazons on either side took Gabrielle's wrists in their hands as the bard went to her knees, her eyes still closed and body still swaying to the music.

The music picked up in beat and energy, tension filling the air and Xena felt her other hand tighten into a fist.  The hands on the warrior's shoulders tightened as Otere pulled an object from her belt and held it high for all to see.  Xena felt a whimper escape her throat.

"What is it, Mom?" Solan whispered.

"A bear claw," Xena answered, her voice strained. 

 

The Amazons holding Gabrielle's wrist stepped to the side, pulling the bard's arms out to the side and tightened their hold as Otere approached the bard's naked back, already lightly laced with scars from the lashings she had received as a Roman slave and the brand of a Gladiator slave.

"A tribal marking," Solan commented and tightened his grip on Xena's hand.

Otere leaned forward and whispered something in Gabrielle's ear and the warrior saw her mate nod slightly.  The Northern Amazon Queen stepped back slightly and lashed out with blinding speed with the claw, racking right across the brand that marred the bard’s shoulder from her time as a slave in Rome.

 

The chanting and music stopped suddenly.

The Amazons holding Xena used both hands each to hold the warrior down as she instinctively tried to jump up.  The former Warlord whimpered at the sight of Gabrielle's pain racked face as the bard bit her lower lip to keep from screaming.  Sweat pouring off her body and face.

Yakut went behind the bard and caught some of the blood pouring from the four slashes along Gabrielle's shoulder and went to the altar and poured the blood over it.

"Your blood has joined that of your Sister Amazons and you will carry those scars as a sign and reminder of your pact with us." Yakut declared.

Xena could see the Amazons holding Gabrielle relax their hold and she could tell from Gabrielle's eyes the bard was in an altered state from the music, the pain and the drink.  The two Amazons helped Gabrielle to her feet, holding her steady.

They slowly led the bard through the crowd of Amazons and out of the circle towards the Shaman's hut.

"They'll tend to the wounds and make her comfortable for the night, she'll have vision dreams tonight, Consort," one of the Amazons holding onto Xena whispered to her.  The warrior relaxed and the Amazon warriors removed their hands.

"Time for you and your son to retire to your hut, the Amazons will celebrate inside the sacred circle until dawn," the other Amazon suggested and Xena nodded, pulling Solan to his feet.

The warrior felt drained and frustrated.  She wanted to go and comfort Gabrielle but, having been through shaman rituals herself, Xena knew that wasn't the best thing right then.

 

                Xena knew she wasn’t going to get much sleep but also knew that Gabrielle needed the space on this journey.  Reluctantly, she let the warriors escort her and Solan back to their hut. 

 

                The warrior finally smiled when she saw Sasha curled up on the sleeping furs with one of the older girls sitting nearby, sewing some leather into something, keeping an eye on the youngster.

                The girl, Lempi, smiled and went quietly out the door.

                "Is Gabrielle alright?" Solan asked softly as he sat down on his sleeping furs and began to remove his boots.

 "She will be, I think.  It’s just hard seeing her hurt," the warrior muttered.

"I know, like when I was hurt," Solan commented.  "I knew it almost killed you."

Xena brushed away a tear.  There wasn’t a day that she didn’t curse Brutus and the Roman soldiers who had blinded her beloved son. 

 

"Yes, I would do anything to change that, you know that."

"Yup, just like you’d take all the pain for Gabrielle if you could and we’d do the same for you."

"I love you, squirt."

"Back at you, Mom."

Xena found herself outside her hut with chakram in hand when another scream ripped through the night.  The warrior growled and rushed towards the Shaman’s hut when two Amazon warriors stepped out of the shadows with their swords drawn, blocking her.

"Xena!" Yakut cried out as she stepped out of the hut.  "It’s alright, it’s only a nightmare.  Gabrielle is fine!" the shaman attempted to reassure the warrior as Xena blinked rapidly, trying to think.

"She’s alright?" she demanded.

"I give you my word, it’s just the dreams." Yakut said simply and Xena lowered the chakram.  The two Amazon warriors melted back into the shadows.

"I’m sorry, automatic reaction," Xena mumbled as Yakut walked up to her and began leading the warrior back to the guest hut. 

 

Xena felt a shiver run over her body and looked down, realizing that she was only in her sleeping shift and nothing else, not even boots. 

 

Yakut grinned.  "You heard Gabrielle scream and was half way across the common ground before you even realized you had your eyes open," Yakut guessed.

Xena blushed and smiled a small smile herself.  "Yeah, that’s about it," she agreed.

"I wouldn’t have expected less, Xena," Yakut grinned and entered the hut with Xena.

"Mom?" she heard Solan’s voice in the semi-darkness.  Sasha was still sleeping, fortunately.

"It’s me.  Sorry about waking you."

"I heard Gabby Mom," he muttered, running a hand through his hair.

"She was having a nightmare, Yakut says that Gabrielle’s okay." Xena turned to the shaman and nodded.  "I won’t interfere or try and see her," Xena promised.

"I know, a natural reaction for a blood bonded couple."  The shaman commented as she walked out the door.

Xena tried to settle back down into her sleeping furs, trying to get the sound of Gabrielle’s screams out of her mind.  The warrior didn’t sleep well the rest of the night.

The next morning found Gabrielle waiting for her outside the Shaman’s hut.  Xena approached her bard slowly and was glad to see Gabrielle’s welcoming smile as the bard stood up to meet her mate.

Xena drew the bard into her arms, careful of the wounds across Gabrielle’s shoulder and kissed her lightly.  Xena drew back slightly to look deep into the bard’s green eyes.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Yes, no.... I don’t know.  I’m still trying to sort through the dreams and visions," Gabrielle answered, dark circles under her eyes.

"Anything I can do?" Xena asked, her face concerned.

"Maybe later," Gabrielle muttered, eyes suddenly distant and looking troubled.

"How about breakfast?" Xena suggested and got the smile she expected and laughed at her mate.  "That always gets you," she teased and delighted when Gabrielle blushed.  "I love you, Gabrielle."

"And I love you, my warrior." The bard answered as they began walking towards the food hut.

"Why didn’t you tell me about the scarring?" Xena asked as they walked.

"I couldn’t.  They didn’t tell me what the ritual was, just that it involved some pain and I couldn’t tell you anything about it," Gabrielle answered with a frown.

"Why not? I wouldn’t have stopped you."

"You were allowed to be there outside the tribe because you’re my Consort and Champion and Solan because he’s our son and blind.  No one else has seen the rituals outside of Amazons."

"It was just hard for me seeing you hurt. How are the wounds?"

"Okay, hurts like Tartarus but the salve they put on it has taken most of the pain away," Gabrielle answered as they started into the food hut.

"With your god-given gifts, how will that scar?" Xena asked softly.

"Yakut knows about my rapid healing abilities and will put a light touch of tattoo ink in the healing wounds.  It won’t be as dark as a tattoo but the slashes will scar."

Xena shook her head, still hating to see the cloth wrapping her bard’s wounds.

Gabrielle smiled softly and reached up to stroke Xena’s cheek.

"I love you too."

The next few days puzzled the warrior.  Xena expected Gabrielle to open up about her visions; instead the bard withdrew into herself.  She continued to spend time with the kids and Xena and also time learning the ways of the Northern Amazons but emotionally she seemed withdrawn to the warrior.

The bard was also having bad nightmares again.  Even worse than when she had returned from her captivity as a gladiator and slave.  Each night Xena would wake up and soothe the dreams away until Gabrielle settled back down to sleep in her arms. The bard was getting less and less sleep and it was beginning to show.

On the fifth night after the ritual, Xena woke up in the dark, reaching for her bard to discover that side of the sleeping furs empty.  The warrior frowned and waited several minutes for her mate to return. A quick glance told the warrior that Sasha and Solan were still asleep in their furs and Xena pulled the blankets and furs off and reached for her boots.

Xena found Gabrielle sitting on the same logs Solan and Xena had sat on five nights before, outside the ritual circle.  The bard looked even smaller than usual wrapped in her fur cloak and huddled over into herself.  The warrior knew that Gabrielle heard her approaching but the bard didn’t even look up.  Xena sat down slowly.

"What’s up, little one," she asked softly.

Gabrielle felt her heart skip a beat at Xena’s question and felt herself biting back tears.  The bard knew she was exhausted but also scared to face the dreams.  She leaned heavily against her mate’s shoulder and didn’t answer.

"Gabrielle?"

"I can’t, Xena," she whispered.

"Can’t what, my love?" Xena encouraged, leaning her head over onto Gabrielle’s.

"I keep seeing the images in my head!"

"Ready to talk about it, little one?"

"I’ve talked with Yakut about it and I’m just more confused," Gabrielle complained, her voice tense.

"Can you talk to me about it?" Xena questioned softly.

"Yes, no secrets.  Can we move to the fire?"

"Of course," Xena stood up and pulled Gabrielle along with her, the warrior wrapping an arm around the bard’s shoulders as they headed to the main campfire.  Xena knew that several of the guards around the village had spotted them and were giving them privacy.

The couple sat down against a log, the bard leaning into Xena’s arms.

"There’s so many images, I still can’t sort them out," the bard complained, running a hand through her short hair.  "The one that is so clear scares me, my love."

"I’m here," Xena said, trying to reassure her mate.

"It’s us, there’s snow outside and we’re lying in a large gray place, rough ground," Gabrielle hesitated.  The bard could feel the coldness of the image creeping into her bones and huddled even closer into Xena’s arms. "We’re not moving and there’s blood everywhere.  We’ve been attacked by dogs and killed."

Xena tightened her embrace around the bard.  She had been on a few shamanism journeys before and knew how real the images were to the vision traveler. 

 

"You know I don’t believe in unchangeable Fate," Xena said softly, gently rocking the bard as she felt Gabrielle begin crying.

"I know, I keep telling myself that.  What you and Hercules always say about how we make our own fate."

"What else did you see?" Xena asked softly.

"Some guy in a long cloak and wide hat, wolves, ravens and us with Axel and the Germans. And..."

"Go on, Gabrielle."

"Blood, always, blood." The bard answered softly.

"The cravings back?" the warrior asked with a frown.  She was hoping that being away from Greece and the influence of Bacchus would reduce Gabrielle’s craving for blood. 

 

Once again Xena softly cursed Bacchus and felt Gabrielle begin crying again.  Xena fought back tears herself, knowing this continued to tear at her bard’s soul.  Especially after killing Arja during the battle with Alti. 

 

"Yes, getting hard to ignore," Gabrielle finally answered.

"Yakut knows about the bacchae influence, have you asked her for advice?"

"Yes, she says that all the visions tell her is that I have to face the darkness to change the outcome of that fate.  Yakut didn’t know how to do that," the bard answered, her crying finally stopping.

"Have you tried Apollo?" Xena asked softly.

"Yes," Gabrielle had been surprised Xena would suggest it, knowing how the warrior felt about dealing with the gods, but the God of the Sun was her father, after all.  "He didn’t show.  Neither did Artemis."

Xena frowned.  She knew that Gabrielle was hurt that Artemis hadn’t made an appearance to the bard when the Amazons were killed in Germania, even when the bard had mourned deeply, holding an Amazon grieving ritual and sacrificing at Artemis’ temple.  Xena was puzzled by the behavior of the goddess and didn’t think it was because they found out that Apollo was Gabrielle’s father, Apollo and Artemis usually got along fairly well.  It was Ares that Artemis kept trying to use for archery practice, Xena thought with a smile.

"Raw meat?" Xena suggested. 

 

"Been there, done that.  It’s getting to a point where it’s not helping," Xena could hear the bitterness in Gabrielle’s voice and her heart ached at the sound of it.  She held the bard closer in her arms.

"Animal blood?"

Gabrielle shuddered.  "I... I haven’t yet," she whispered.

"Might help," Xena encouraged.  "I could go out with the next hunting party."

Xena drew the bard into her arms as Gabrielle broke down totally, crying and Xena carried her mate back to their hut and sleeping furs.  The warrior held the tortured woman until she fell asleep again.

The warrior, however, didn’t sleep any more that night.  Xena kept remembering the conversation with her mother before the Greek family had traveled north to the Amazons. 

 

"I’m not sure what to tell you, Xena.  Rare meat, even drinking animal blood might not be enough at times." Cyrene frowned.

            Xena felt a shudder.  "You mean she might need human blood?"

"I don’t know.  You know the Bacchae need blood to survive but it’s not just the blood.  If it were they would feed on animals." Cyrene noted.

"It’s the sexual energy that goes with the blood, the arousal and fear of a Bacchae feeding." Xena whispered.

Xena didn’t say anything to Gabrielle when she returned the next evening from the day’s hunting, she merely handed the bard a wine flask and held the young woman tightly.  The warrior tried to ignore the tears filling Gabrielle’s eyes as the bard left the hut, tears filling Xena’s eyes as well.

Xena wiped the blood from her hand and left the hut to find Solan and Sasha before dinner to get them cleaned up.

Gabrielle didn’t say anything about the animal blood but Xena noticed the bard slept the night through for the first time in days.

Xena could tell that Gabrielle was pleased when the warrior suggested that they stay with the Northern Amazons for the Winter season and travel to see their adopted Germanic family at the first frost thaw in the Spring.  She knew Hercules, Iolaus and Ketli, would be visiting Axel and Eddvar about that time as well.

Xena was put to work with the blacksmith, Hillevi; and Gabrielle alternated between learning the Northern Amazon ways and the language and teaching the Northern Amazons the ways of the Southern Amazons so the rituals and traditions would be saved.

Both Gabrielle and Xena knew that special exceptions were being made for the Greek family in letting Solan stay inside the village.  Males weren’t permitted to stay long in any Amazon village but his position as the adopted son of an Amazon Queen complicated things.  So did his being blind.  The Amazons couldn’t expect him to be welcome in any nearby village nor be able to camp outside Amazon territory in the middle of winter in Siberia.

In the end, he stayed in the village, always with an escort whenever he left the hut.  Having been raised with Centaurs and allied with the Amazons, the boy understood and accepted the condition.  In turn, the scouts and warriors delighted in teaching the boy fighting moves that he could do even without sight and everyone was amazed with his skill with a bow and throwing knives if he could hear the target.

Sasha and Solan also joined in learning the languages with Gabrielle.  Sasha also started learning the basics of being an Amazon, from customs, to playful exercise and storytelling that passed along the history and myths of the tribe.  Gabrielle had once told Xena that Sasha was smart and the Amazons were also quick to inform the warrior that she had an exceptional child, bringing a blush to the proud mother.

Xena, naturally, also helped train the warriors and scouts.

The warrior was walking across the common grounds towards the training yard when a familiar laugh caught her attention.  Xena grinned and leaned against a tree as she watched Sasha and Gabrielle playing with Solan in the snow.  Her mate and daughter would yell out and try to dodge as Solan launched snowballs at them while they tried to get closer to him.

Eventually the "fight" ended up as a wrestling match in the snow with a lot of laughter.

Xena turned and grinned as Otere walked up and joined the warrior watching the Southern Amazon Queen and kids.

"You'll need to get that bunch into the sauna hut by the time they're done," Otere grinned.

"Yup," Xena agreed with a smile.

"I'm glad you decided to stay with us for the winter," the Queen smiled as they watched Gabrielle trying to get a handful of snow down the back of Solan's jacket and Sasha tackling the bard's legs. "I was worried that Gabrielle might not forgive herself enough to stay with us."

"So was I," Xena admitted.  "The rest will do us all some good. It's been a rough few years."

"Gabrielle has told me a little bit about it.  She doesn't talk a lot about the time she was held by the Romans, is she alright with it?"

Xena lost her smile.  "As well as any woman can be with being beaten, raped repeatedly, whipped, and forced into a life she never wanted."

"I'm sorry," Otere whispered.

"It's alright, I guess I still feel guilty for not protecting her," the warrior answered.

"She doesn't blame you," Otere said softly.

"I know and I don't blame her, doesn't help the guilt a lot," Xena smiled a grim smile.

"It will ease, Consort," Otere encouraged.

"Hey!" Xena yelped suddenly as a snowball landed right at the base of her neck, sending cold wet slush down the inside of her leather jacket.

The warrior and Amazon Queen looked over to see Solan grinning from ear to ear, still sitting in the snow and Gabrielle and Sasha trying to look innocent but giggling nonetheless.

Otere decided on a strategic retreat behind the tree while the warrior rushed over to join the wrestling match with her mate and kids before dragging them to the sauna hut to warm up.

Otere watched the interaction of the family and grinned.  The Amazon Queen spotted several of the guards grinning as well and was pleased with the Council's decision to forgive Xena her debt to the village after the battle with Alti.  They were a welcome addition to the Amazons.

Yakut joined her Queen as Otere watched Xena helping her mate and kids to their feet, brushing at the wet snow sticking to their leathers.  Everyone was wet, cold and laughing.  The warrior wrapped her arm around Gabrielle's shoulders as Solan picked up Sasha and they headed towards the sauna hut.

"I grew up with stories of the monster Xena." Yakut spoke as she and Queen Otere began to walk towards the training yard.  "How my mother was killed brutally, betrayed by Xena.  Hearing about the blood rituals and how ruthless she and Alti both were."  Yakut pointed at the family entering the sauna hut.  "That's not the same Xena."

"No," Otere agreed.  "I'll tell you something, though.  I'm glad this Xena is on our side, I have a feeling she's as deadly as her former self if anything happened to her family."

"Yes," Yakut agreed.

Later that evening, the family sat in the meeting hall, watching some of the Amazons practicing dance moves and drumming.  Several small groups were playing various games consisting of bone toss and dice.  Solan was with a small group of the Amazon Scouts arm wrestling and Sasha was with the other children of the village in a play area.  Xena and Gabrielle leaned against the wall near one of the fire pits, Gabrielle leaning back against her mate with Xena’s arms wrapped snuggly around her.

"Thank you," Gabrielle said, surprising Xena with the comment from nowhere.

                "What for, little one?"

                "For talking me into staying," the bard answered, echoing Otere’s thoughts of earlier. 

 

                Xena grinned and hugged Gabrielle in a loving hug.

                "My pleasure.  I’m glad we stayed too."  Xena agreed.  "Are you telling a story tonight?"

                "No, not tonight.  Sasha asked if she could stay with her friend Maiju and her parents for the night and Solan has offered to stay in the small guest hut." Gabrielle informed her mate with a smile.

                Xena felt additional warmth spread through her body and leaned down to lightly nuzzle her bard’s neck, sending shivers down Gabrielle’s spine.  Gabrielle sighed and leaned further back into Xena’s embrace, leaning up to capture Xena’s lips with hers.

                Xena leaned back after a long kiss and grinned.  "You mean we’re alone for the night."

                "Yes," Gabrielle confirmed with a grin.

                "After that battle today, I’m a little tired, maybe we should turn in early," Xena suggested with an evil grin that caused Gabrielle’s heart to skip a beat.

                "I agree, that was a ferocious battle today, our leathers are still soaking wet," Gabrielle agreed.

                Svetlana grinned and pointed to the couple leaving the main hut to her Queen as they discussed winter supplies.  Otere looked up and smiled as well.

                "Good, they need some time," Otere muttered.

Deep into the third month with the Amazons, the snow was thick and most of the time was spent inside the huts, working on indoor crafts; repairing weapons, making new ones, sewing new clothing and repairing old, teaching snow skills to the youngsters and the Greeks, and telling stories and histories of the Amazons.

It also meant long hours of darkness with almost no sun at all, something the Greeks weren’t accustomed to and the Amazons worked hard at keeping them busy, knowing that the lack of sun and being caught indoors for long periods of time could be deadly on the mind and spirit.

Towards the end of the month Gabrielle began tossing and turning in her sleep, caught up in nightmares again.  The bard also noticed her appetite decreasing, which was astounding, as Xena would tease her if she noticed.  Gabrielle began trying to avoid sleeping, which was difficult with Xena right by her side.  The bard silently cursed the warriors astounding instincts.  The warrior always seemed to know when Gabrielle tossed and turned and was awake instantly.

The bard also noticed her hands shaking more and her nerves on edge more and more. 

 

Xena had noticed Gabrielle’s lack of sleep and nervousness and suspected what was causing it.  What concerned her was that Gabrielle hadn’t come to her with it yet. 

 

After a week of the situation building up, Xena was determined to get her bard to talk to her.  The warrior waited until she saw Gabrielle talking with Otere outside the main hut and approached them slowly.  Unfortunately, Gabrielle was engrossed in whatever she and Otere were talking about and tired; she didn’t hear the warrior approach from behind.

When Xena walked up behind the bard and placed a hand on the woman’s shoulder she was surprised when Gabrielle yelped and spun on her heel, bringing her fist up in a defensive blow.  Only the warrior’s years of well-honed experience and instincts kept the bard’s fist from connecting with her nose.  Her hand caught Gabrielle’s wrist and stopped the fist just short of her nose.

Gabrielle’s eyes went wide with shock as she slowly lowered her hand.

"Xena! I’m sorry!"

Xena grinned as Otere and the bard tried to calm their breathing.  "It’s okay, no harm.  I should have said something."

"I almost hit you!" Gabrielle protested, falling into Xena’s arms, tears welling up in her eyes.

"You almost got me too, quick reflexes!" Xena smiled, holding the bard tight.  The warrior looked up and Otere nodded and went back inside the hut, leaving the two alone.  "Time to talk, little one," the warrior said softly.

"Okay," Gabrielle agreed, not meeting Xena’s eyes.

The warrior led them back to their hut, knowing that Solan was off helping with the cooking and Sasha was learning Amazon history.  She stirred up the fire and sat down on the furs.  Gabrielle, instead of snuggling in Xena’s arms, sat a couple of feet away on the furs next to the fire.

Xena’s heart felt heavy as she saw the pain in her mate’s eyes.

"The cravings are back and getting strong again," Gabrielle said simply, her hands clenched into fists.

"How can I help, raw meat?" Xena asked, the concern thick in her voice.

"Been doing that all week," Gabrielle said bitterly, turning her eyes away from Xena and staring into the fire.  "When do the hunters go out again?"

"Svetlana says in the morning, actually.  I’ll go with them," Xena said simply.

"Okay," the bard said softly.

Xena reached forward to wipe a tear away from Gabrielle’s cheek and gently drew the bard into her arms.

Xena found the wine skin she had used the month before hanging on the door when she got up early before Gabrielle and Solan.

The warrior wiped away a tear of her own as she looked down on her sleeping mate.

Later that day Gabrielle entered the dark hut to grab her new quill from her packs when a noise from the shadows stopped her hand in mid reach.

"Who’s there?" she called, eyes narrowing in the semi dark room.

The Amazon Queen’s eyebrows rose in surprise and question as Solan and his escort stepped into the light from the smoke hole in the ceiling.  Both were blushing furiously.  The escort, Reija, was pulling at her tunic to straighten it.

"Oh Hades," the bard muttered, realizing what she had just walked in on and what that could mean on Amazon land.  "Reija, would you leave me with my son, please?" she asked calmly.  "And light the lamps on your way out."

"Yes, Queen Gabrielle," the girl muttered.

Gabrielle didn’t correct the young Amazon teen in her preferred non-use of her title, instead letting the Amazon acknowledge her fear through the use of Gabrielle’s title.

The girl quickly lit the lamps and scurried out the door, hiding her face in the hood of her cloak.

Solan shifted on his feet, his head lowered.

Gabrielle sat down on the furs next to the fire.

"Sit down, Solan," she ordered, her voice firm but betraying no emotions.

He sat quickly and waited and Gabrielle made him wait for several moments.

"Want to explain?" she finally asked.

"Not really," he grinned a lopsided grin, reminding the bard of his mother.

"Give!" she ordered.

"I don’t know," his face changed to one of distress.  "We’ve gotten close and everything gets confused whenever she’s around.  It’s like I can’t think straight, I can’t focus, and I hear her voice or scent of her special soap and my heart stops and I can’t breath."

"Oh gods, you’re in love," the bard muttered, running a hand through her short hair and shrugging off her coat.

"Is this what it feels like?" he asked softly.

"I don’t know.  You’re both young," she frowned.

"How old were you when you met Mom?" he questioned, shifting on the furs.

"Seventeen summers and you’re only sixteen winters old, how old is Reija?" she asked.

"Seventeen winters," he muttered.

"Terrific," Gabrielle muttered.  "Does she feel the same?"

"Yes, she knew the consequences if we got caught," he muttered.

"Do you know the consequences?" Gabrielle demanded.

"Yes," he answered, dropping his head again.

"Tell me," Gabrielle insisted.

"Blinding, castration, death, banishment, becoming a slave to the Queen, depending on how..." he stammered.

"Depending on how far the violation went," Gabrielle finished for him.

"It was consensual!" he protested.

"I know that, I never suspected otherwise.  It could still be serious for both of you.  Banishment for her and worse for you."  Gabrielle shook her head.  "Why didn’t you come to me?"

"I don’t know," he whispered, suddenly sounding young again. "We thought we could handle it and it wouldn’t go anywhere."

"Terrific," the Amazon Queen muttered.  "How long have you two been making out?"

Solan began blushing even more.  "I... uh..."

"Give!" Gabrielle growled.

"I... uh... this was the fifth time," he finally admitted.

"Oh Hades!" Gabrielle snapped.  "This is serious.  How far have you two gotten?"

"Mom!" the young teen protested.

"Talk!"

"Just kissing!" he protested.

"And?" she demanded.

The boy began blushing an even brighter red.  "I’ve felt under her shirt," he whispered.

"And how far did she get?" Gabrielle asked.

"My shirt off and teasing my... uh..."

"Nipples or lower?"

"Mom!" Solan squeaked.  "Nipples."

"Okay, it might help that you’re both still virgins," she muttered.